Not So. Sweet and Lowdown.

It is kind of late. Not too late. But certainly an hour that highlights loneliness. I decided, a few weeks ago, to relegate my narcissism to where it belongs, a creepy bottom drawer that was full of some pretty gnarly mystery dust in the dresser that got taken from my room last week. I intended to post about some interesting, wider-appeal items. Take a page from my scholarly friends and enlighten the world after I have enlightened myself. Broadcast and opine.

I fail. I have been busy. A lot of busy. A lot of drinking. Two seven-night benders in the last 3 or 4 weeks. Lots of work and a good dose of kissing boys. Never combined, sadly, as that might make this worth reading. Maybe. People DO love a good workplace soapy drama.

But really, my life feels like a revolving door. So much coming in and plenty going out, leaves me feeling (on a given day, in a given week, this year), like my gauges are off. The rubric for judging my life is unbalanced and inconsistent. If I were a teacher, grading my life on this scale, I would for sure fail.

I need the weather to turn. I need to start exercising and re-introduce solid foods into my diet. I need to get organized and I need to start tanning. I feel like I need somebody. I am annoyed that I feel this way. I chide myself for it. I should not feel this way. I have gotten many of the things I ever asked for. I made some new friends. I am in a kickball league. I get plenty of attention from those penis-laden creatures we call men. I got a promotion and am due for another. I am getting further and further with the magazine (though, admittedly, this is also a stress) and I love my roommate. My family is healthy, happy, supportive, and great.

Be happy. Be happy. Be happy.

I think I am. Mostly. But still I am on my couch at 11:15 on a Friday, a much needed respite from debauchery, drunken lip-locking, and 3 hour nights, and I am feeling sub-par. Feeling like I am missing something, like I need something.

Gross, that sounds vaguely like a desire to find religion. Now I am lonelier.