I guess it is just so hard (too hard?) to really get it that we don't ever get to be happy again.

I think that is the hardest part for me to grasp. It just never seemed like that was going to be true. That a happy me and you wasn't around the corner somewhere. Our happy again. I guess it is dead, but it is hard to mourn something to intangible. It's confusing to try and believe a hope is dead.

I guess I am not so angry that you and she do get to be happy still. That your "you" is still around. It just puts my own loss in such harsh perspective. It casts the most punishing awful light on my pain, on the lack on my hopes and dreams' little sad unmarked grave.

How do I get there? How do I get there?