Even the idea of SEX respulses me. I so miss...enjoying it. The before parts, the after parts. The part where you love smile at the person its with. And you mean it.

I miss having contact, physical contact, with someone who sees you. Knows you. Loves you.

Sees you. Like transmitting love through fingertips.

God, the happiest I have ever been was getting off that plane in August. Ask people. I was LIGHT to see you.

Will I ever get that back? Do I have that light now? Is it just turned off?

Or smashed.